How can I change my manager's view of me?
There are few things more frustrating than being told you need to improve, putting in the work, and then being told ‘you still haven’t done enough’. Whether it’s about being more organised, hitting deadlines, or improving communication, it’s disheartening to realise others aren’t seeing the progress you know you’ve made. But it might not be stubbornness or malice on their part. It might just be the way our brains are wired.
Humans are slow to update their mental models
We as humans can be extremely slow – and bad at – updating our mental models. When someone or something in our environment changes, unless the change poses a threat, we keep on perceiving it as it was before. This can be extremely frustrating if you’ve been told to get better at an element of your work, and you’ve worked hard on it, but your bosses continue to focus on the bad!
Change is only part of the work
That’s why, when I’m asked to coach someone who’s been asked to change some element of their work, I tell them that the change is only part of the work. The other critical element is to draw others’ attention to just how much you’ve changed, both by telling them and by going over the top in demonstrating the change
That means both saying it aloud (‘‘I am so happy that I’ve managed to change my behaviour as you asked. I’ve made all my deadlines this month. I hope you’re noticing it too”) and signally it visibly in your work. If deadlines have been a struggle in the past, subject lines like ‘Report - in advance of July 7th deadline’ might feel elaborate and maybe even a little ostentatious, but they work – it makes a big difference to how people perceive you and can update their mental models.
You still may need to go above and beyond
Depending on the environment you work in, it’s also worth recognising that the bar for ‘good enough’ may be higher than it feels. In some businesses, mistakes are rarely tolerated and you may need an even higher level of performance to keep your managers happy. I realise this seems harsh, but in particular sectors I work with (accounting, finance, law, consulting), there is often a zero tolerance for avoidable errors or delays. Of course, it is subjective as to what counts as avoidable, but if you have already used up a lot of goodwill with previous errors or delays, or if you have not accumulated fresh goodwill and a reputation for being reliable, people may be less forgiving. It can mean that you need to overcompensate for a while, getting to 100% reliability (and maybe even going further, with significant proactivity, delivering early to deadlines and doing more than is expected in terms of quality). Over time, that consistency rebuilds trust and eventually gives you a little more freedom when the odd thing goes wrong.
Resources on changing people’s views of you
6 steps to changing someone’s mind about you
The psychology of why it’s hard to change someone’s mind (but techniques for trying to do it anyway)
Famous people who were written off but managed to change people’s minds about them
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